The other night I was looking at a weird painting I'd done a while ago. I made when I was dating someone else. We sort of got into an argument I'm not sure what it was or anything. It was probably ridicules. I painted this. I told that guy that I wanted to show it to him. He said no, that he didn't want to see what I made out of being upset with him. As I was staring at this painting that concept seemed like a terrible idea.
After a while, I got up and showed the painting to Boyfriend. He told me about it. I did not decide to share the context of the piece to him. You aren't supposed to bash your ex to your new boyfriend. Hm, I guess I'm a fail, because I do it all the time. Well, usually when I do it– it's more like "he would never do that" or whatever– implying that Boyfriend is a better person.
I asked Boyfriend– hypothetically, if he would want to see it. He, at first, thought I wasn't being hypothetical. (because very rarely those things are) He begrudgingly said sure, anyway. (and asked when I was upset with him. I said no, it was a hypothetical question.) He again said yes and read some of what I previously wrote.
"That's awesome! If you are ever upset with..." him, he hopes I makes something that cool and be productive with my upsetness.
"I made you feel bad, but I want to pretend it didn't happen. Don't show me art that reminds me of that." ? Pretend we have no feelings? feelings are bad. Erm, what? He didn't want to be reminded he upset me? yeah, he's never broken up with a girl face-to-face. Be manly– Men don't have feelings. Men aren't supposed to care about people or well be worried about people they don't care about. Of course, actually, the people I hear things like this from don't actually think that only men should do that.
Boyfriend and I got lost in some terrifying New England city. (everyone knows New Englanders don't like outsiders) It wasn't the first time we got lost there, but he got upset that he got lost. Later Boyfriend apologized and I said that it was okay, he's allowed to have emotions. I believe he made a comment to the effect that isn't how some people see it. I didn't say anything. I'd much rather date someone who gets angry sometimes then someone who pretends not to have any feelings and they don't think you should show yours if you aren't going to talk about them. Well, if you are dating them shouldn't they know you well enough to tell, regardless?
Was this really what I wanted to get into? Ideas of masculinity and guys who are probably too afraid that they might not be manly enough have to hide themselves behind "masculine" characteristics. I'll probably ramble more on this when I decide I'm going to talk about some philosopher.
Back to the guy who never broke-up with a girl to her face. I'd gotten into a fight with him and told him that I didn't want him to stop talking to me (he had done previously) or I might have to do something I'd regret, because I wouldn't be able to handle that, again. Sometimes, I think that he broke up with me so that I wouldn't hurt him. Random aside: He had said he still loved me. Let's break up with someone you love without really trying to make it work out. Or was that supposed to make me feel better? (Never fish in Booty Bay)
I once knew a guy who was going to cross-dress for a con. He– on multiple occasions– had to say that he read online that you aren't necessarily gay if you do that. He also said that one time he was horsing around with a younger bro of a friend. I notice that he never said it when he mentioned that he used to be in wrestling. That tends to be considered very homo erotic.
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